• Your last name stays put. 
• The garage is all yours.
• Wedding plans take care of themselves. 
• Chocolate is just another snack.
• You can be President.
• You can never be  pregnant. 
• You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
• You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
• Car mechanics tell you the truth. 
• The world is your urinal.
• You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. 
• You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
• Same work, more pay.
• Wrinkles add character.
• Wedding dress $5000, tux rental - $100.
• People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
• The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
• New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
• One mood all the time.
• Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
• You know stuff about tanks.
• A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
• You can open all your own jars.
• You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
• If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
• Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
• You almost never have strap problems in public.
• You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
• Everything on your face stays its original color.
• The same hairstyle lasts for years,maybe decades.
• You only have to shave your face and neck.
• You can play with toys  all your life.
• Your belly usually hides your big hips.
• One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color for all seasons.
• You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. 
• You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. 
• You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. 
• You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. 

-n-